Touch. One of the best things we can do with our physcal presence. Our human body. We touch with our bodies, our eyes, but the best feeling I ever had was when he touched me with his soul.
He let me in. For a while. To see his life.
Letting me be part of the wonder, for a year of good times and 2 of not. I look back, over too many years and wonder why I didn't up and leave him first. Letting myself be dragged through all the emotional angst and still not coming out the other end intact.
I don't even think I will be intact ever again !
He claimed a piece of me and kept it, or witheld it in the ether of this existence somehow, and I wonder that until I get that piece back I will never be whole. The worst part of it all is I don't need him to give it back. I never have to see him to be whole. It's there within my grasp but yet still out of reach. My fingers mentally graze it bobbing about at arms length, always there taunting me. But the pain I know it will cause me if I hold it prevents me from becoming whole. I feel it zizzing my fngertips, like tiny electric shocks as though it were a faulty battery in a toy.
I need to move on. To do something. Why do I always follow what I don't want.
Someone elses dream for the time I'm with them, as I can't settle. I will never settle until I allow myself to follow my own dream. MY own dream ...
June 2009
I think this is long lost love . I have had htat experience to.
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